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Professor Pratchett: This committee, with one exception, is very impressed with your dissertation. Your study of Shakespeare is singular-- almost like you were there.
Professor Kerlew: We are pleased to promote you to full professorship. Congratulations, Doctor Morris.
Lindy Morris: Thank you, Professor Kerlew.
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Heather After: (IM) But, to continue the metaphor. Or is it a simile? It’s a simile. The magic part isn’t the sudden appearance of the pearl.
Jophiel: Ruin. Again. What do you want now?!
Ruin: A roommate, Jophiel. I brought three years’ rent.
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Heather After: (IM)
The magic is the thread stringing together events and people in ways you would never expect.
Father Paul: Knock knock.
Ben: Father Paul! Sorry, you startled me–
Father Paul: They told me you were leaving. I thought I’d stop by and make a last-ditch attempt to get you to stay.
Ben: I appreciate the vote of confidence, but my mind is made up.
Father Paul: I really thought you’d continue, you have a real gift Ben–a rare gift. The church needs young men like you. Men of intelligence and character. If you send a religious institution second-rate minds, you end up with a second-rate institution. And that’s what we’re in danger of becoming. Think of your calling, Benedict–you could go so far and do so much good!
Ben: What, a big office? A seat in the archdiocese? You saying I could be a bishop someday?
Father Paul: I’m saying you could be pope someday.
Ben: The church will let itself die off before it elects a pope who looks like me. And besides… I keep thinking about my dream. I thought it was a vision. I saw Saint Joan on her pyre. But it wasn’t the fire that stuck with me. It was the boy. Standing in the background. A beautiful, frightened boy.
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Heather After: (IM) And the magician… The magician is the one who can make the thread twitch.
Heather After: I have literally no shoes.
Todd: Don’t you mean figuratively no shoes? Because that looks an awful lot like a giant pile of shoes–
Heather After: Do you have to be so prosaic, Todd?
Todd: I’m not good with metaphors. What do you want me to wear to this–uhh-- thing?
Heather After: That really cute fishnet top I got you?
Todd: The one that looks like I got dressed in the dark in Stevie Nicks’s closet?
Heather After: That’s the one.
Todd: Heather, only for you would I go to some weird club on a night when the Cubs are playing.
Heather After: I’m really tempted to just…stay in.
Todd: I’d be okay with that. We could fuck and I could watch the Cubs game.
Heather After: Nooo, I have to go to this thing. It’s stock and trade for me. I have to make myself known to certain people. For professional reasons. It’ll be fun. I promise.
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Heather After: (IM) And I’m a magician. Sometimes I have to remind myself. See the thread first. The invisible link between all things. Always connect. Of course, everything is finite. Eventually, you run out of thread. There are some things magic can’t fix. Certain forces that can’t be cheated. It’s important to remember that too. Even the most powerful magician is not immortal.
Puck: You dance so beautifully for someone who’s about to become a corpse. Surprised to see me? Tis only fair. Imagine how surprised I was to be wrenched from my home and into the middle of your summoning circle.
Heather After: Puck?! How–
Puck: I told you I’d find you again. Did you think it was an idle threat?
Heather After: What, are you going to challenge me to a duel in the middle of the club? We going to whip out our wands? This isn’t Harry P–
Puck: Of course, you think sarcasm will save you. Mediocre talents always do. You can save your breath. I have already won this contest. You simply haven’t realized it yet.
Heather After: Aah! What the fuck was that?
Puck: Your death.
Heather After: Think you might have overestimated your skills, furball. This is barely more dramatic than a paper cut. I’ve gotten worse scars fighting on the playground in sixth grade.
Puck: You utter novice. Are you telling me you don’t know what this is?
Heather After: …Shit. A vorpal sword
Puck: Indeed. That paper cut will never heal. It will bleed and bleed until it has bled your life away. And for my kind–the very nastiest of my kind-- it will be a beacon, as a wounded fawn in the forest brings the wolves. Snicker-snack, you little shit.
Heather After: God damn it!
Heather After: (IM) The connection between all things. Sometimes you see it. And sometimes, someone else sees it first. In which case, you become…how did John put it? “Just one of the punters.” And maybe, secretly, that’s what you longed for all along. Maybe that’s why you took so many stupid risks. Maybe death was what you thought you wanted. And then the big reversal comes. You’re bested you took one too many stupid risks. And you discover, to your surprise, that you want to live.
Heather After: … God damn it. Breathe it down. Breathe it down. Think. Hnnngh! … Old Branch Urgent Care
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Meanwhile
Todd: Heather? … Hey, have you seen a six-foot blonde girl? White T-shirt, short skirt–
Bouncer: You mean the sh–
Todd: Be very careful what you say next. Friendly advice, bro.
Bouncer: Sh-she left. Maybe fifteen or twenty minutes ago.
Todd: She left without telling me?
Bouncer: Looked like she was in a hurry. … No problem, man. Any- time.
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Heather After: (IM) Now is the part where I realize I have made several unfortunate mistakes. One, I’ve only got my I.D. and a twenty-dollar bill on me. All my stuff is at home, including, crucially, the protection amulet left to me by Great-Grandma Ethel. Two, I left Todd at the club, and now it’s too late to involve him without jeopardizing his safety. Three, apparently I care about Todd enough to want to protect him from all this, which is a shame, because I could use a large, clueless sidekick right about now. Which means I’m on my own.
Heather After: Orkilius!
Heather After: (IM) And I’m really, really scared
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Helen: Are you nearly done here, Azar?
Azar: Just a few more accounts to close out-- There’s been an uptick of no-shows for follow-up care. I think maybe we should talk to county about–
Helen: Huh?!
Heather After: Help–
Azar: What happened?
Heather After: I was-- I was-- cut? Stabbed? I don’t even know what to call it–
Helen: Was it gang-related? Should I call the police?
Heather After: No police!
Azar: I need to hang a bag of saline and get a wound kit in here, now!
Heather After: Chalk…I need chalk…
Azar: I don’t understand why such a shallow cut is losing so much blood. Do you have some kind of clotting disorder?
Heather After: Need to… secure this room…
Azar: You don’t worry about that. I’m just going to find a vein so we can run some IV fluids–
Heather After: John. Need to call John…
Azar: Is John your partner?
Heather After: No. Just a mentor. Of sorts.
Azar: Little pinch now.
Heather After: Hnnh! I hate needles…
Azar: Stay awake, please. Hey! What’s your name? Stay with me now–
Heather After: …Heather. Heather After.
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Alexis Burgess: Honey? Can you look at me when I’m talking to you, please?
Frank Burgess: Look–We know being a teenager is hard.
Alexis Burgess: We were teenagers too once if you can believe it.
Frank Burgess: This is a time to experiment! That’s healthy! I used to have green hair! Once I even pierced my …
Alexis Burgess: Okay, Frank. What your father... Is trying to say is that we know you’re changing. And we want to be supportive. But there are limits.
Frank Burgess: If we didn’t draw the line somewhere, we wouldn’t be good parents. Date whoever you want. Wear whatever you want. But there’s one thing that will never be welcome in this house. Magic. You know how dangerous this stuff is. You know what it’s cost our family after what happened to Grandpa Burgess, we swore we’d give it up.
Alexis Burgess: You wear that amulet like it’s some kind of fashion accessory. It’s supposed to be locked up in a bank vault. It came from hell, for God’s sake.
Frank Burgess: You’ve got to stop before you get in way over your head
Heather After: No.
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Azar: This is so weird I can’t find anything wrong–nothing to explain why that cut won’t stop bleeding, even with pressure…
Helen: All we can do is keep the patient under observation and hope for the best.
Azar: She’s going to be here for at least a day. I’m going to put in an order for some of these other meds in the chart her PCP sent over–I see estradiol and a couple of other things–
Helen: That’s not the kind of care we offer here. We’re treating a stab wound, the patient can continue ongoing treatment for other conditions with the primary care physician.
Azar: But stopping a regular medication so suddenly could trigger changes in blood pressure. That could be catastrophic after blood loss–
Helen: It will do no such thing. The patient hasn’t lost that much blood. These aren’t critical medications. Just keep an eye on the patient until the doctor makes his rounds. No meddling.
Azar: Hey, George?
George: Huh?
Azar: I’m stepping out for a minute. If Helen gets mad tell her I’ll be back as soon as I can…
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Heather After: (IM) Must act fast. Before I pass out again.
Heather After: Hnnggh-- John? Please be there…
John Constantine: Hullo?
Heather After: John! Thank God! I didn’t think you’d answer!
John Constantine: Heather?! Why the hell are you calling me at this number? What’s going on?
Heather After: I may have stepped in some shit.
John Constantine: What’s happened?
Heather After: I pissed off a faerie who cut me with a cursed blade.
John Constantine: Jesus! All right, all right. First things first. Have you secured the perimeter of the room?
Heather After: Not really? I’m really dizzy and I don’t have any supplies–he jumped me at the club–
John Constantine: Christ, Heather! You never leave home without your basic bits of kit! That’s just irresponsible!
Heather After: I was wearing a miniskirt! There was nowhere to put anything! I had to carry my I.D. in my bra!
John Constantine: Fine, whatever, we’ll work with what you’ve got. You’re going to need a protector. Something big. Just to tide you over until you’ve laid in supplies to exorcise the cursed wound…
Heather After: This is going to have to be quick and dirty–
John Constantine: You don’t have much of a choice, love.
Heather After: I don’t even know if there’s enough room in this closet for the size of the thing I’m gonna try to hook. If I screw this up, you’re going to have to fly all the way out here and fix it.
John Constantine: Yeah, that’s happening.
Heather After: Calindrom Appelon–
John Constantine: Oi! You’re not really going to throw that spell, are you?! You could bring down an archangel with–
Heather After: Athelios Arnen–
Heather After: (IM) I ignore him. Because I need the biggest, baddest thing I can possibly get. And I’m willing to pay for it.
Heather After: Work, damn it!
John Constantine: Heather? Hullo? You still there?
Heather After: …Yeah. Yeah, I’m still here.
John Constantine: Did it work?
Matthew: Where the hell is this? Who the hell are you?
Goldie: Meep!
John Constantine: Did it work?
Heather After: Hey, John? I’m gonna have to call you back.
Heather After: (IM) …Sometimes, in the stupidest ways, the universe likes to remind me that I’m still a fucking Burgess. And, carrying on the family tradition, totally screwed
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