*Esther grunts as she forces her way through the ground, back into our dimension*
Esther: I'm gonna wring that chic little kitty's goddamn neck.
------------------------------------------------------------
Beating a Dead Cat
*Cats meow and snarl and hiss at Esther as she enters the Cat King's warehouse. The Cat King looks up and sighs. He is holding Edwin's binding bracelet, which burns up in purple fire*
Esther: *chuckling* So, things didn't work out with your little stuffy ghost boyfriend.
Cat King: What do you want, Esther? I'm terrifically busy with my ennui. *Cat King gasps as she proceeds to choke him* Ouch.
Esther: Oh.
Cat King: Did I upset you, or is this a sexy choking?
Esther: *grunts* Those dead boys threw off my snake's feeding, disrespected me, and they escaped my revenge plans, - and all of it was for nothing.
*The Cat King transforms into his cat form. Meows. He is now out of her grip and runs through her legs to get behind her*
Esther: Oh, God.
Cat King: Oh, my God. They say that I'm a pussy. You are so annoying. "I need to be young. I wanna be pretty." "I want revenge on everyone all the time." Why the fuck are you here?
Esther: Because I know you blew up Monty's spot, you little fucking snitch.
Cat King: Oh, God.
Esther: I almost had the element of surprise.
Cat King: Monty, Monty, Monty! Your little crow boy caught feelings, and you blame me.
Esther: Oh, you bet I do, baby cakes.
Cat King: *chuckles* You thought that mushrooms could take down those ghosts. That is so cute. Edwin has been through more pain than you or I could ever imagine.
Esther: Um... What do you mean "more pain"?
Cat King: He survived Hell. And when he escapes Hell again, I'll be waiting for him. God, I am such a romantic, I hate it.
Esther: That is such an interesting little gem. I think I just came up with a new plan. Mmm. *chuckles*
Cat King: I don't give a fuck, okay? End of audience. Buh-bye.
Esther: How about I take out my pent-up aggression on you?
Cat King: Newsflash, Wrinkles. I'm not a common being. Magic doesn't work on me.
Esther: Yeah, we know, but *chuckles* there is more than one way to --
Cat King & Esther: to skin a cat.
*both laugh; Esther's is menacing. Cat King is mocking*
Cat King: I hate that joke.
Esther: I know.
*Cat King groans as she beats him over and over with her iron cane until he is a bloody pulp on the floor. As he dies another cat bursts from his body. It meows and transforms into the Cat King. Alive. Or at least another life.*
Cat King: That was my third life, you bitch. I only get nine. Would you fuck off?
Esther: You know, with most ghosts
Cat King: Fuck!
Esther: If you inflict pain on them, they just disintegrate. Which is useless, really. But a tortured ghost, who's escaped Hell... I mean, imagine the suffering that that he could endure. And that is fascinating.
Cat King: He can't make you young.
Esther: No, but he can give me power. Powerful enough to give this town what it really deserves. *laughing*
Cat King: Hey, keep your paws off of him.
Esther Oh. Do be a good kitty and stay out of my way, hmm? Or I'll have to kill you again. *chuckles* And again. Mmm. And again. *laughing*
--------------------------------------------
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: What the bloody hell was that?
Night Nurse: *spluttering* A demon from Hell. I'd say from one of the middle levels. Oh, horror.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: No, no no, you said you'd sort us out, that you wouldn't send him back yet.
Crystal: Holy shit. You're still alive?
Night Nurse: Old news, dear. Do keep up.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Leave it out! Old news, is it? Then the new news is this bird fed us a load of tosh about giving me and Edwin a fair shot in the afterlife, and summoned something to drag Edwin back to Hell.
Niko: Edwin's in Hell?
Night Nurse: Look, I had nothing to do with what just happened here. Something in my ledger must've alerted the demon. Perhaps it was already looking for your friend.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: If you think there's any possibility Edwin being in Hell is a mistake, then you have to get him. Like, a must.
Night Nurse: Technically, yes. But it's very much out of my jurisdiction.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: You said you're an infinite trans-dimensional being.
Crystal: You've mentioned it several times.
Niko: You've clarified it a lot.
Night Nurse: All right, all right, you little beasts. It's easy enough to open a door to Hell, but no one wants to go there. Plus the sheer number of permits and approvals I'd have to push through.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Right. Right, then... Then open up a door, and I'll go get him. Then we're stuck in Hell, and you know where we are, or ... Or I bring him back, and we're all yours. It's a win-win.
Crystal: Wait, losing more friends to Hell is not the best plan. It's Hell.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Who's getting lost?
Night Nurse: You'll never be able to navigate Hell. It's more than just the fiery wastelands of Lucifer. That's only the very bottom. You're just a boy. And there are entire worlds ...
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Edwin's told me loads of stories about Hell. And he's written most of it down. I'll know where to go because, well, he figured out how to get out. I shall work backwards, won't I?
Crystal: Then I'm coming too.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: No, you're not.
==================
Crystal: What kind of bullshit is that? We've gotta have a unified front with Mistress of Doom out there.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Hell is no place for the living. And nothing comes back from Hell alive. I can't be worried about you when I need to focus finding ...
Crystal: *sigh* Oh. Jesus. You have never been to Hell. Stop acting like an expert. Look, when I got possessed, when I nearly ran off a cliff, when I screwed up and lost my powers, you both helped me. And now I have them back, and then some. Look what I did to Esther and that Forest Elemental. God, Edwin is my friend too, whether he likes it or not. I can help.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: What if something happens to you?
Crystal: What if something happens to you?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Crystal... No.
Crystal: I can't just sit and wait. If you really won't let me go, then I'll find my own way to help.
=================
Crystal: Fucking bullshit. Like I can't help.
Jenny: The quiet thing is never gonna happen with you, is it?
Crystal: Hey, Jenny. I'm just gonna go and get my demon ex to open a portal to Hell. God, that's fucking insane. Um, just forget that.
Jenny: Is this the ex that was abusive?
Crystal: Yeah.
Jenny: Should you be going alone?
Crystal: Yes.
Jenny: Fucking kid.
----------------------------------------------
Night Nurse: All of this bickering is pointless. No one here is going to Hell.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: No, Edwin is ---
Night Nurse: And if I did help, I'd have no reason to think you'll keep your word and come to the afterlife with me.
Niko: If you don't believe he'll keep the deal, then do the inside-his-head magic. That's what you did on the cliff, right?
Night Nurse: Excuse me?
He wouldn't lie to you. Can't you just look in his mind and find out if you can trust him?
Oh, for goodness' sake. *sighs*
===================================
*school bullies clamouring and shouting and jeering*
Charles: Back up! Back up!
========
*bullies shout and laugh as they hurl rocks at Charles in the lake. The stones splash*
===========
*continued bullying as Charles sprints back to the school*
========
*in the attic, Charles shivers*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Who's there? What do you want?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: You can see me? I ... I thought perhaps this lantern would help. You can simply extinguish it if any of those boys come up here.
Charles: You saw them?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I did. I went to school here a long time ago. We had bullies too. Rest assured. I shan't hurt you.
Charles: *shivering continues*Cheers, mate. I'm freezing... I've never been this cold in my life.
=============
Charles: Just didn't seem right. Letting that kid get beat on 'cause he's from Pakistan. I mean, I'm half Indian. Why am I so different?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That is a fair point. They were the same country back when I was alive.
Charles: Right. Wait, what?
=================
*Charles coughing and hacking. He is not well*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Are you all right?
Charles: I'm fine. Just answer my question.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: 1913 to 1916.
Charles: Bullshit. When did you go to school here for reals?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: 1913 to 1916. I am dead, Charles. *Charles laughing, stops at Edwin's raised eyebrow* Oh.
=============
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Actually, you can move around any space however you like. It is not that you cannot touch things, you just cannot feel them.
Charles: It's stupid, but I think I'd miss kissing. Do you miss kissing?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *shakes his head* Mmm-mmm.
================
Charles: Shut up, mate. That is brills. Why don't you fall through the floor?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: There are many, many so-called ghost rules. I shan't waste your time listing them.
Charles: Only asked about the floor didn't I.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Because I choose not to fall through the floor. Happy?
*Both chuckle*
==================
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *reading aloud* "'Do you believe in ghosts, Max?' inquired Mr. Carlyle." "'Only as ghosts, ' replied Detective Carrados with decision." "When they begin to interfere in business matters, and depreciate property" ... "I cease to believe." *chuckling* Not enjoying this one? Carrados, the Blind Detective was just becoming quite popular in my day... *Charles notices his corpse for the first time. There is a long pause. Edwin closes his book* When you could see me, I knew it was too late. But I simply ... I did not want to scare you.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, I'm glad you didn't say anything. Doesn't feel like I imagined. Being dead. Feels okay, doesn't it?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I sincerely wish we could have been friends for longer. But Death will come for you now. You should go with her when she arrives.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, I'm not ready, am I? Look, I don't wanna go somewhere else yet. What if I stay here for a bit with you instead?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Then you will always be running from her. Also, I'm not good with other people. And I only just came back to this school after escaping Hell, so I'm out of practice, to be perfectly frank. So when the blue light comes, you stay and I go.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, I'm aces with other people. I'm pretty chuffed you got out of Hell, mate. That sounds hard. Nice job.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That is not how you make decisions, just based on whatever you happen to be feeling in the moment.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: It's how I lived my life. Doesn't seem all that different now. Looks like you're stuck with me.
-------------------------------------------
Night Nurse: *sighs* You really gave up a potentially tranquil eternity for your friend?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: After seeing that, let me ask you, is that a person who belongs in Hell?
Night Nurse: That's not for me to judge.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I'm telling you, Edwin is the best person that I know, and I won't leave him in Hell. It doesn't sound like there's another door, so it's not like we can sneak past you on our way out. And we will keep our promise to go with you. But first, let me get him.
Night Nurse: I shouldn't. I won't be able to help you if you get stuck.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I never asked you to, did I?
Night Nurse: You'll need provisions.
-----------------
Night Nurse: I am going to have to fill out so many forms when I get back. A mountain of paperwork for me. *With a tap of her forehead she draws a symbol on the door, opening it up to a portal. The door creaks*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Niko. Keep tabs on her, till - Yeah?
Niko: For sure. How exactly do I do that?
Night Nurse: Worry about yourself. This doorway will not stay open forever.
----------------------------------------------------
*Edwin gasps as he sprints down corridors. Dolls laugh maniacally.*
------------------------------------------------------
The Spirit of Maxime: *sits crying on the stairs*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Hey, you all right? Oh, I ... I didn't mean to startle you. Have you seen a British teenage boy goin---
The Spirit of Maxime: Are you talking to me? Do you know why I'm here? Do you know why I'm here?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: No. Uh, sorry. No, I don't.
The Spirit of Maxime: Please. No, please, come back. Why am I here? Why am I here? *echoing* Why am I here?!
=================
*lively piano music playing around what appears to be the atrium of a hotel. Charles goes to the reception desk, considers pressing the concierge bell and presses it. The silence is broken by screams from many invisible people*
*Charles makes his way through Lust and Gluttony, all rooms are empty and the only sound are his footsteps before finally finding himself in The Doll House*
--------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to the Doll House
*Edwin is still running, the Dolls making horrible gurgling noises, calling out for their momma's. He pants as he finds himself in a small library, closing the door behind him. He closes his eyes to catch his breath, only to be aware that someone else is in the room with him. Someone is tearing pages from a book.*
The Spirit of Simon: Edwin?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Simon.
The Spirit of Simon: You're not real. You're another trick. *sighs*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: You have to stop that.
The Spirit of Simon: I can't.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Simon, it is me, Edwin. And I need you to be quiet, please. *a school bell rings faintly* Have you been here all this time?
The Spirit of Simon: How long is "all this time"?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Over a century.
The Spirit of Simon: It's all right. The headmaster said I can leave once I finish tearing out the pages. *Simon, seeing the pages are once more intact sniffles and begins anew*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Can you please be quiet?
The Spirit of Simon: No.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *sighs* Wait. Is this your punishment?
The Spirit of Simon: What?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: You sacrificed me to a demon, who traded me to another demon, who traded me to a thing worse than a demon, and this is your punishment. An eternity of paper cuts!
The Spirit of Simon: I didn't know. It was a prank. It was just to scare you.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: It is right that you're here, after what you did. Do you want to know what I went through, down here every day, over and over again?
*notices a mirror in the corner and goes to examine it. For the first time in his second life he can see his reflection. He gasps and inhales, noticing all the blood*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *softly* My reflection. *his breathing gets heavier and gasps as something else appears in the mirror. Another face, as if there was someone right next to him. But he is alone. Simon is still tearing pages from the arcane next that he had used to summon Sa'al and curse them all to damnation.* What the devil?
==================
*Edwin gasps, falling through the mirror and into a place he has never been before. The Kingdom of Despair.*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Oh. What ... *gasps* What is this place? Are you a demon?
Despair: Not a demon.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Then another ghost? A phenomenon of some kind? I don't have my book, so it is not ...
Despair: There are a lot of books in that room.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: But they're not my books.
Despair: What am I? The answers are Endless, Edwin Payne. Pretty name. "Payne." *scoffs*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I am ...Why are you here?
Despair: You're here. I'm everywhere. You're in my realm now, where I see it all. But you only get to leave through the door you came in by. *sighs* Look at him. He's been tearing out the pages from that silly book for almost 40,000 days and nights. *gasps as she uses the hooked ring on her finger to claw herself* And every second is a tiny, forever ache, and blood, and suffering. Isn't it beautiful? Can't you just taste it?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: You're ...
Despair: I'm Despair. And you do not belong here. Go back to your killer. I was watching. You were getting angry. About to gloat over his torment. Go do that.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: No, no, no. I ...
Despair: Don't worry. We're friends now.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I would not gloat. That is not right.
Despair: I'll call if ever I need you.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: He didn't realize ...
=====================
* Edwin is transported back to the library. The mirror cracks behind him, trapping him there once more.*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Simon. I didn't come here to gloat. I would never... You do know that?
*No answer. He notices something written on one of the torn pages. It is small, but stands put against the sea of white. The letters S+E... He looks from them to Simon. It is the scribblings of a lovesick crush, imagining their future. Their happy ever after if the world did not hate and scorn them for who they love*
The Spirit of Simon: You remember that blue cap you used to wear?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I remember you snatching it off me.
The Spirit of Simon: You looked very smart in that cap. But when I tried to tell you, you just walked away. You never spoke to me. I got so embarrassed thinking that we ... We were the same.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *Sighs*. Simon. I... I was nervous... around you. I didn't realize...
The Spirit of Simon: Do you think it has to be torture? Being the way we are?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Listen to me. No, it does not. And although it is difficult for me to believe, I feel sorry. I am sorry. For both of us.
The Spirit of Simon: So am I. So am I.
*dolls laughing as the entity crashes past the library door*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I'm going to get out of here again. You should come with me.
The Spirit of Simon: I'm truly sorry for all of this. For what I did. I didn't know... I think this is what I deserve.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Simon, if you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell.
The Spirit of Simon: *sobbing* The headmaster will be angry.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Simon. Come with me.
The Spirit of Simon: Best of luck.*he goes to tear another page and finds his hands are no longer bleeding. gasps. Suddenly he is bathed in blue light ... the calming light of Death when she comes to take those to their next appointed place. He smiles at the woman standing in the light, relieved and for the first time in 108 years at peace*
-----------------------------------
Niko: Did you know that if someone dies during a waxing moon
Night Nurse: Look ... Niko, is it? I can tell you're nervous. And whilst I recognize that living humans seem to enjoy chit-chat when they're anxious, I am not a living human.
Niko: I'm just worried about my friends. And I have a lot of questions.
Night Nurse: Clearly.
Niko: So, my dad died during a gibbous moon. Where does that place him?
Night Nurse: Ah.
Niko: Can you please just tell me where my dad is now?
Night Nurse: I run the Lost & Found Department. We only handle misplaced dead children in the afterlife. Why am I doing this? *smacks lips* Why indulge these boys by keeping this doorway open? I do have other work, you know.
Niko: Sounds like you have a really sad job.
Night Nurse: Not everyone gets to do their very favourite thing all of the time. That is true, no matter who you are.
------------------------------------
Crystal: David? I know you're in here. It smells like rotting fish. David.
Jenny: What the fuck?
Crystal: Holy shit. Jenny. You shouldn't be here.
Jenny: No, you shouldn't be here. Crystal, I care about you. Uh, about your safety. And this example of the death of small-town America is the exact wrong place to be meeting up with an abusive, probably dangerous ex.
David: You know, it's been a while since I had a ménage à trois, but it's like riding a bike.
Crystal: Jenny, wait outside.
Jenny: No. Look I don't know what you're trying to prove here, but I can tell you're scared.
Crystal: *sighs* Just wait here, okay?
David: Now that I don't want you anymore, here you are. Desperation, it's *inhales deeply* ... You got your powers back. Okay! *laughs* Maybe I'm the one changing my tune now, huh? Do I get to be a god again? Wrap myself back up in you?
Crystal: Never again. I need you to open a portal to Hell for me.
David: Never gonna happen, ever. And why the fuck would you even want that?
Crystal: David, I am stronger now. Don't make me make you do it.
David: *laughs* Oh, wow! A threat.
Crystal: Just cut this shit. I'm only here to help my friends. You were the only alternative route to Hell.
David: I thought you were a lot stronger.
Crystal: I am. I'm not the sad, lonely girl you want me to be. The one who needs you. I have friends who care about me. You don't scare me anymore.
Jenny: Hey, give her some space, kid.
Crystal: Jenny, I got this. Please?
David: People who care about you, huh?
Crystal: Mmm.
*Jenny gags as David possesses her*
Crystal: Get off!
Jenny/David: *pants under David's control* How about if you hurt your friend here, I'll open the door.
Crystal: This is between us. Super-brave hiding inside Jenny.
Jenny/David: Oh, no! You thinking I'm brave is so important to me. I wonder what you'll think when I slice you up!
=====================
*Crystal gasps as she teleports them into her mind*
Jenny: Walking through The summer's end ♪ Waves crash, baby, don't look back ♪
David: Very funny, Crystal. So, what? You learned some new little tricks?
Crystal: I guess I did. This place. This is my place. It was never yours. Now leave Jenny's body and let me into Hell. If you won't, then what good are you to me?
David: I never wanted to be good to you. ... Nice try. *begins choking Crystal* You know, this might be your mind, but I actually know my way around here pretty well.
Jenny: Circle in the sand ♪ Cold wind, tide moves in ♪ Shivers in the salty air ♪
David: I can't open a door to Hell, you stupid bitch. Don't you think if I could go back, I would've?
Crystal: Shit.
David: You know, it's nice to see you back to your old self. Hurting people, enjoying that copper taste in your mouth you get when you cause someone a lot of pain. But, you probably don't even remember that.
Crystal: Okay. You can't help me get to Hell, but at least we can maybe fix one thing. No more holding my stolen memories over my head.
*David screams as Crystal extracts her memories from his head*
Jenny: And you complete the heart of me ♪
Crystal: These are mine, asshole.
David: *laughing* Oh! This is your big moment? Really? You think you're gonna like what you find out in those? I'm an ancient demon! You can't kill me! I don't care how powerful you think you are. I'm never gonna stop hunting you after this.
Crystal: Ooh. *chuckles* Bad move revealing your plan. I don't have to kill you, David. I can just *whispers* bury you. And I think I know the perfect place.
==============
David: What the fuck did you do? Where are we?
Iris: Look, what you brought with you. The mouth on this one. *chuckles*
Crystal: I'm gonna give you time to think about your plan to hunt me down.
David: Wait, wait ... Crystal. Maybe... Maybe I can open a doorway to Hell for you, okay? Baby, I was just fucking with you. *panicked laughter*
Crystal: You're lying. I can tell now. I can see it in those pitch-black eyes.
David: Fuck! Fine. You got your memories back. Just put me back in the roller-skating rink and I'll disappear. I'll leave you alone.
Crystal: Still lying.
David: No, no! *strains and writhes on the floor as Crystal pushes him into the roots of the tree. As she struggles, her ancestors help her, pushing him deeper into the earth.* No, no, no.
Crystal: *panting ... laughing hysterically*
Iris: Just look what you can do.
Crystal: What did I ... What did I even do?
Iris: Don't worry, you have time to figure it out. But, um, you can't leave this demon buried here forever. It's bad for the tree.
---------------------------------------------------------
*Jenny coughing as she regains consciousness*
Crystal: Hey, hey.
Jenny: *pants* What the fuck was that?
Crystal: Fair question. Come on. It is a long story. Let's just go, okay?
Jenny: Okay. *cleaver clangs as Jenny picks it up*
David's Former Host: Um, hello? Where am I?
-------------------------------------------------
Mick: Uh ... I
Esther: It's pretty disturbing, isn't it? But I have moved on from the old revenge to an entirely new and awful plan.
Mick: I'd say it's ... It's horrifying.
Esther: I just said it was awful. Let's not get crazy. You're gonna make me feel bad about building it.
Mick: Esther, why would you build this?
Esther: You remember those two little dead boys and their girlfriend? Well, I've received a very interesting piece of gossip. One of them has survived Hell. I'll let you in on a little secret. This device takes a ghost's pain and it turns it into the most delicious, raw *exhales* magical power. And you see, most ghosts, they just wither away. But, see, this one, he's been through Hell, so I really think he's gonna be able to suffer through it. *chuckles*
Mick: You shouldn't, uh
Esther: So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna take the smiley one, lock him up in my kitchen somewhere till he loses his mind, then take the tortured-through-Hell one, put him on this device, and his anguish will give me oodles of new power, like a battery. And I'm gonna take that power and get this goddamn town under my thumb. And they can worship me like they should've been doing for centuries.
Mick: What about the girl?
Esther: Oh, I still have a very large snake to feed.
Mick: No. No. I can't sell you anything to help you make that.
Esther: Oh, you think I don't deserve to be a god? After I've listened to you prattle on? You ... You think that you're the only one who's ever been screwed over? You're not. I fucking deserve this! Mmm. Mick. I'm done stealing children under the cloak of night. I wanna take them in broad daylight whenever I want. Is that too much?
Mick: I just can't help you. I won't.
Esther: Shoot. Guess I gotta source all those objects myself, and that's gonna take forever.
Mick: Uh-uh. Employee-only.
*Esther chuckles as she moves around the cashier, here can clicking to reveal a knife in the tip*
Esther: You know, Mick, I think you might wanna ask yourself, do you wanna be a walrus trapped in a man's body with a few additional regrets? Or do you wanna be fish food?
-----------------------------------
Night Nurse: This was a mistake. A huge mistake.
Niko: Mmm-hmm.
Night Nurse: I like my job. I'm good at my job. I can't believe I'm risking it for these two boys because a happy man in a fish gave me a glowing ring.
Niko: *sudden gasp, startling the Night Nurse* Did you know someone can come back to life after they die?
Night Nurse: Yes. And what do you mean, "Did you know?" That's my bloody book. Reading that will get you into trouble.
Niko: So my dad could come back?
Night Nurse: They're called the undead. I believe, in your popular culture, they're what's known as zombies. You wouldn't want him back like that.
Niko: Was the man in the fish a zombie?
Night Nurse: Honestly, I don't know what he was. But you remind me of him.
Niko: And you liked him, right?
Night Nurse: ... No.
-------------------------------------
*Edwin moves around the Doll House avoiding the snapping snarling Misery Wraiths. He stops as he hears small, stifled sobs*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Edwin? Edwin?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Charles? Is that you? *breathing heavily*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Oh, mate, I have ...
The entity snarls and springs from the corridor dragging a screaming Edwin down the hallway.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Edwin! *gives chase after the creature*
*Charles finds Edwin shivering in the corner of a room. As he goes to speak, Edwin pulls him close, holding a hand over his mouth*
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *whispering* You have to be very, very quiet. Charles, what are you doing here?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: *lamp clangs as he places it on the floor. Removes Edwin's hand* I'm here to rescue you. Someone's gotta do it. ... Where'd all the blood go, mate? You were covered in it.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: That was the last me...
*The scuttling creature in the corner of the room tears a version of Edwin apart, limb from limb, throwing him in the pile of other dismembered body parts of the young teen*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: What ...
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: *covers Charles's mouth* It is awful. I know it is awful. But we have to be quiet. I run, and it catches me. It tears me apart and gnaws on me. Then it all starts again. Over and over. For decades. *sighs* Over and over and over. *sobs softly*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Hey, hey. Let's get you out of here.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: The moment I run, it'll chase. I can't get away from it. I can't.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, I'm here now. So... Time for the old shell and dash play yeah?
*Charles removes a small bomb from his bag. He rolls it across the floor and it explodes setting the creature ablaze. The room is filled with bright light. Charles grabs Edwin by the hand and drags him out the door as the creature whines and rages*
*The sprint back the way they came until at last they reach the exit. The entity is in hot pursuit*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Mate, squeeze through there. I'll be right behind you. Go!
*The entity snarls, roaring as it is hit by a Molotov cocktail. It screams and falls back allowing Charles to slip away.
----------------------------------
*The plane of Gluttony, once a silent cafe, is now full of people indulging and vomiting from excess. The floor is slick and sticky and gross.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Where did they all come from?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Come on.
----------------------
*The plane of Lust is even worse. People are having sex on the floor of an abattoir, writhing on the floor covered in blood. The air is full of moaning in pain and pleasure. The stench of sweat and other bodily fluids is writhe in the air,
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: None of this absolute horror was here before.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne:You have to experience Hell to really see what's here. *several of the people snatch and grab at Edwin, pulling him back into their embrace*Charles! Charles! Charles!
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Get off him! Come on. Come on! Go, go, go!
-----------------------------
The hotel lobby of Limbo is full of people frozen in time. Their eyes are unblinking, unmoving, but they are still breathing, just so slightly it is hard to tell.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: There's nothing we can do for them.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: And what about the bell?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: No, it hurts them. Come on. Come on, Charles.
-----------------------------
[Charles] Almost there. Home stretch.
[both panting]
*Maxime sobbing, tearing up the letters she sent to Jenny*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Oh, come on. We're almost out.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: It'll have to find another way, so ... I just need a tick. And also, I cannot believe you would risk your entire existence coming down to this operatic horror show for me. It is so fucking stupid, it's unbelievable.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Sorry. No version of this where I didn't come get you.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Wait, Charles. Charles, I ... I'm not mad. I ... I'm... I've been hiding some things from you. And since I might not get a chance to say them again ...
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: You can say whatever it is you want to say to me, if we keep moving, please.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I love you.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Great. Love you too. Can we go?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: As more than a friend, I'm afraid. *breath trembles* Charles, I'm in love with you. You don't have to feel the same way. I just need you to know.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: *chuckles* Oh, I get it. This is like one of those Orpheus and Eurydice moments, yeah?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: I certainly hope not. That story ends tragically.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Right. Never finished it.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Charles, I'm being quite serious, in the event that wasn't obvious.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I want you to listen to me. You, Edwin Payne, are my best mate. That will never change. You are the most important person in the world to me. And I can't really say that, like, that I'm in love with you back, but there's no one else, no one else, that I would go to Hell for. And we've got ... And we've got literally forever to figure out what the rest means. As long as we get out of here. Okay?
*The creature roars and shrieks as it begins to climb the spiral stairs to Hell*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Run!
Night Nurse: Hurry, please.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Yeah, we're hurrying!
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: We're going as fast as we bloody can!
Night Nurse: Come, come, come! Come on!
*The boys escape Hell, slamming the door shut behind them. The creature growls and snarls in rage. They pant trying to catch their breath*
Niko: *chuckles* Oh, my God! You're both still dead and didn't get trapped in Hell forever! I didn't wanna say anything, but I was nervous that the crazy plan wouldn't work. I'll get Crystal. *Niko breathes, waits and opens the door. She sighs in relief - the door leads back to the familiar corridor of their apartment* Oh, thank God.
Night Nurse: *claps*Very impressive, boys. Now, where were we?
---------------------------------
Niko: *bursting into the bathroom. Crystal gasps* Crystal, the boys are back. The boys are back from Hell.
Crystal: *shaking her head quickly* ...Mmm-mmm. *Jenny is in the room, leaning against the toilet, face covered with a flannel*
Niko: I mean ...
Jenny: Niko. Did you just say someone was back from Hell?
Niko: No, I said, "Hello."
Jenny: Honestly ... Whatever. I have more important things on my mind.
Crystal: Yep. Okay, totally fair. I'm gonna be right back. Like, so fast.
*door closes*
Jenny: Jesus.
-----------------------------------------------------
Niko: *squeals* Look! See, they're back! Oh, you're safe.
*Charles exhales as Crystal runs over and hugs him. Niko hugs Edwin. Edwin chuckles fondly*
Night Nurse: *chuckles* If we're all done, a deal's a deal. Now, off you both pop to the Lost & Found for processing, and we'll sort this whole mess out. If you want to say your goodbyes, I'll give you 30 seconds or so. I'm not unreasonable.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Charles, what does she mean by "a deal's a deal"?
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: It was the only way that she'd let me get to Hell, mate. I'm sorry. I figured we'd have time to make a plan on the way up, but ...
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: But how do you plan for a giant spider made out of baby doll heads?
Niko: Oh, no.
Crystal: Uh I'm sorry. Did you both do an overdose of SRIs in Hell? Are they giving out free Xanax down there? You can't just come and let her take you away.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: I sort of think we have to.
Crystal: Oh, bullshit. A good detective does what he must to close the case. You both said that.
Niko: Excuse me. I have a question.
Night Nurse: She was like this the entire time you were gone. So many questions. Ask, if you must.
Niko: Thank you. Um... Okay. According to page 179, subsection 14, paragraph 2, there's a clause that states that if the spirits to be collected are on Earth after travelling to another plane, you have to file something called a Schedule LS 53-9 to remove said spirits from the mortal plane for a second time. Doesn't going to Hell count as another plane? And now don't you need to file that form before you can remove them?
Night Nurse: Hmm. I, uh ... I will have to take this up with my superior. Honestly, this is what I get for being helpful? This is what I get for being receptive? Don't go far.
Niko: *chuckles. Everyone else is stunned*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: What was that?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Niko, that was amazing.
Niko: Thank you. I know I'm not the bravest, but I have excellent reading comprehension skills. *laughs to herself* Oh, did you guys know? Zombies are real.
-----------------------------------------------
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Funny old life, innit?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Funny old death. *chuckles to himself*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, either way, we're both still here.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Charles? I want to say I'm sorry if my confession created some ...
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: It didn't. We should probably get out of town before that Night Nurse comes back. Be nice to get back to London, yeah?
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: No more bracelet here. Happy to go.
*Crystal sighs as she joins them on the roof*
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: How's Jenny?
Crystal: Resting, but unhappy. God. I gotta figure out what I'm gonna tell her. "Bad fever dream" won't cut it, but she really doesn't like the "possessed by a demon" of it all.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: It was foolish of you to risk confronting David without us.
Crystal: It was the craziest thing. I found out my friend got dragged to Hell, and I had to try and save him.
The Spirit of Edwin Payne: Ah, yes... Well
Crystal: Never made it to Hell, though. Not much help, after all.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Well, I still call it a huge win. Where exactly did you trap David?
Crystal: It's sort of this whole new thing I'm still figuring out. But he's gone for now. And, yeah, I'm good.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: Good.
Crystal: And here's what it's all been about. My memories.
The Spirit of Charles Rowland: What do you do with them now?
---------------------------------
*Monty caws and Esther chuckles as she finishes construction on her new device. The serpent hisses and bangs angrily against the wooden door of the cupboard*
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