- New Years Day
"New Year's Day. Old acquaintance be forgot and all that. I made sure she wouldn't forget me that day, didn't I, Batman? It was the first New Year's party I'd been invited to in a long time. Ah, but then I wasn't really invited, was I? The restraining order saw to that. Still, she and I had been close, or so I believed, and a New Year meant a new start. I admit, stepping into a crowded ballroom with a flamethrower was a bit dramatic, but what better way to melt the ice at a party. Perhaps she should have taken that "cup of kindness" from me when I first offered."
- Valentine's Day
"Valentine's Day. Hearts and flowers. The perfect occasion to smother my new love with tokens of affection. I chose a dozen red roses, an assortment of truffles and a darling little lacy thing...Oh, excuse me. I didn't mean to be so intimate. A-hem...You might say I'd overdone it, and in truth, at that point, my love and I had not actually met. Ever the romantic, I followed her to her apartment. Loudly proclaiming my love, I drowned out her screams of protest. Sadly, it was not to be. So instead of smothering her with gifts, I simply smothered her."
- St. Patrick's Day
"March 17th, the day set aside for St. Patrick, the holy man who drove the snakes from Ireland. Interesting thing about snake venom, Batman: Some are green, just like the dye used to make green beer. That made it all the easier when I hosted that St. Paddy's Day party for my old gang. As you remember, one of my henchmen tried to tip you off. I wasn't sure which one had done it, so I decided to punish them all. One dose of green mamba venom into the beer keg and they were soon rotting under the shamrocks. So I guess that makes you responsible for their deaths too. I'll drink to that."
- April Fools Day
"Well, well, well, Batman, you listened well. You appear to understand the importance of dates, don't you? Let me tell you about this day, this day of fools. I remember clearly that I watched her for days, waiting for the perfect moment. It was cold that March; it felt like spring would never come. They drank coffee and she confessed her life lacked surprises. For six more days, I watched. April 1st, 5:22 A.M. I finished cutting through the brake lines of her car. From the camera I placed on her dash, I saw her panic. My only regret, she couldn't hear me yell, "Surprise!"
- Mother's Day
""M" was for the murderous look she gave me. "O" meant only that she was weak and old. "T" is for her terror as she fought me. "H" is for her heart that I now hold. "E" is for her eyes swiftly dimming. "R" means rot, and soon rotting she will be. Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER", a word that means a corpse to me. Happy Mother's Day, Mommy."
- Father's Day
"I wasn't real close to my dad, and after my first internment at Arkham, we never spoke at all. Seems he wrote me off as a wacko, a loser. So after I was released, I wanted to clear the air between us. The next Father's Day I dropped by his place and suggested we go fishing. You ever go fishing with your pop? Well, it's some fun, let me tell you. The two of us, out on the water, pulling in one whopper after another. Of course, I was doing the actual pulling. Dad was baiting the hooks. You know, with a finger, a foot, an eye...whatever I had left of him. Even today, whenever I eat a nice piece of fish, I feel closer to my dear old dad."
- Independence Day
"Explosives planted at every exit and beneath this cell itself. What better way to celebrate Independence Day? My independence, of course, from Arkham. Unfortunately, I decided to be clever about it and had a calendar sent to police headquarters with the month of July ripped out. You figured it out right away and arrived just as the fireworks were starting. You stopped me from escaping. But not before the fire swept through the intensive care ward. But then, what's the Fourth of July without a barbecue?"
- Feast Day of St. Roch
"Do you remember that wonderfully hellish August, Batman? Packs of mad dogs swarming the furnace-hot streets, savaging everyone in their path? One bite and humans were reduced to crazed animals themselves. Mmm. Good times. Though Crane provided me with the hydrophobia formula, I had the presence of mind to release the hounds on August 16th, the feast day of St. Roch, patron saint of dogs. An obscure date I know, but I couldn't imagine a better way to celebrate "the dog days of summer." "
- Labour Day
"Ah, early September. Kids headed back to school, leaves starting to turn, and, best of all, Labour Day. Like the year I posed as a construction labourer and drove a bulldozer through the Gold Exchange. Or the year I referenced the Labours of Hercules and released lions, bulls and wild boars upon Gotham. (laughs) Better than a circus. Even you have to admit last Labour Day was my most inspired. Laying siege to that hospital maternity ward. You laboured mightily yourself that day. Saved every one of them. Well, there's always next year."
- Halloween
"Boo! Funny thing Halloween in Arkham. It seems redundant here. Within these walls, the monsters are on display year round. Of course, there was that one year Joker led a breakout on All Hallows' Eve. What a wonderful night. Costumed revellers innocently partying alongside killers and fiends. Of course, the real screams came when it was time to unmask. Trick or treat."
- Thanksgiving
"You know, I always feel a little lonesome in November. I think that's because even the worst of us enjoy a good old-fashioned family Thanksgiving. I know I did a few years back when I dropped in unannounced on Turkey Day. All those surprised faces around the table. Mom and Dad could hardly believe it. Mind you, I don't know whose mom and dad they were. I was on the run and needed a place to lay low. That family, whoever they were, could certainly cook. Stuffing and gravy and pumpkin pie to die for. Unfortunately, they did. Like I said, always feel lonesome in November."
- Christmas Day
"Ebenezer Scrooge was a saint compared to old Judge Harkness. Remember him, Batman? Gotham's hanging judge, they called him. Even though the state had ruled me insane, Harkness swore he'd send me to the gallows. So you see, it was all a simple act of self-preservation. I could hardly be held responsible for strangling that street corner Santa Claus for his suit. I needed the disguise to sneak into the judge's Christmas Eve party. Harkness thought it was all in fun until "St. Nick" caught him around the neck with a string of Christmas lights. The cops found him later, hanging from the elaborate light display of his own roof. Judgie almost looked like a cartoon himself alongside the comical reindeer, elves, and snowmen. I called that murder my "Christmas special."
- Secret Message:
"December 13th: Well, well, well! And on today of all days. Do you remember my early work? Flawed I know, but showed promise. Just like you. As your skills improved, I perfected mine; starting with seasons, and moving through the weeks. I became stronger. My work, more elaborate. Days were the secret Batman, and the end of days is coming.
I was there at your beginning and I will be there at your end."
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